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<title>Of Misplaced Grief by HappyGoSuckyFucky</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27636038">Of Misplaced Grief</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyGoSuckyFucky/pseuds/HappyGoSuckyFucky'>HappyGoSuckyFucky</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Rapturous Journey of Ilaria Barnes [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Grief/Mourning, POV Outsider, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:27:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>373</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27636038</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyGoSuckyFucky/pseuds/HappyGoSuckyFucky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I wish that I could have spent more time with her before she went missing in our last year of high school for four years, if I hadn't been so busy with college applications and doing gymnastics, maybe I could have seen the signs. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Rapturous Journey of Ilaria Barnes [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020664</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Of Misplaced Grief</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>I didn't foresee my sisterhood with Ilaria Barnes would end like this.</p><p> </p><p>Not today when I'm more close to my early forties than I am to my teenage years. Not decades ago when I was a high school student with nothing more than hopes of getting into medical school. Not when I was five years old and I met the one I thought would be by my side forever.</p><p> </p><p>In retrospective maybe I knew it would happen, not suddenly, not out of the blue but eventually would befall.</p><p> </p><p>I was free from doubt, however, that I would keep feeling this way for ever so long all the more assuming that I knew what was going to occur back then. I would have done every little thing in my power a different way, maybe then she would have stayed if I changed in some way. </p><p> </p><p>As it might be, something tells me she wouldn't.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe that's the reason I couldn't connect with her completely, no matter how hard I tried to understand her, to be part of her world, I simply couldn't form a connection strong enough to bind us together. Of course that's what I see I know what I'm sure of.</p><p> </p><p>Back then I thought we were sisters, best friends forever that would probably die and be buried together. I thought we knew everything about each other (as she did about me) that secrets were something we didn't have between us. I was completely wrong of course, Ilaria Barnes had a handful of secrets that were something she would not tell anyone.</p><p> </p><p>Not even me.</p><p> </p><p>I can't blame her for not deeming me worthy of her trust, I never could. </p><p> </p><p>I wish that I could have spent more time with her before she went missing in our last year of high school for four years, if I hadn't been so busy with college applications and doing gymnastics, maybe I could have seen the signs. </p><p> </p><p>Well, I did see the signs, I just didn't want them to be true, like a damn coward I pretended to be blind because I was too selfish to give my best friend five minutes of my undivided attention.</p><p> </p><p>And now, decades later, I'm still paying the price.</p><p> </p><p>...</p>
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